Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
