my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
