My hand turned me down
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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