I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
