She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
