he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize