Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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