At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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