alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
