jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
