Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
