I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
