Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
