i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
