If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
