p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
