You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
