Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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