there's paper in my vomit.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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