Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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