hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
