you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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