it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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