google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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