i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
should my penis look like a turkey
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
