Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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