And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize