i permit you to call me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
dude. I can hear the air.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
