I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
