I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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