All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
