i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
