They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
