i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize