i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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