we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
