He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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