Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
