as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
