I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
