look no pants
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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