I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
