i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
