Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't turn off my feet"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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