The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
