I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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