The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize