things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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