Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
