Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
