I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
