i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i've created a new STD.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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