My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
