Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
