Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
