Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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