Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
