at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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