I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
