I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
