she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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