I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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