I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
