the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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