I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
