omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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