she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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