well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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