he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
