Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
