why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you had me at cake vodka
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
