there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
