so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there's paper in my vomit.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
