Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize