I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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