dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
