At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
