My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
