wakey wakey hands off snakey
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize