god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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