im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize