You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
