Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
