She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
