You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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