Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
