Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
