You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize