sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize