You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she told me i tasted like america
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
