you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
