Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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