I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
