Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
