soooo we both peed the bed last night...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
