neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
