Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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