im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
