Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
