I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
