i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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