So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
