Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
