Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
