This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
