at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
