He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
