We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
