two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize