GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
