im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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