Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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