thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
